When a loved one doesn't want care

It can be challenging when a loved one doesn’t want care. The truth is most older adults do not believe they need care, nor do they want it. It may be easy for the older adult to see the needs of those around them, but not their own. Is it all that different than any other age group throughout the lifespan? Probably not. The stakes are just higher as we enter older adulthood, most being afflicted with multiple chronic diseases. Research has shown most older adults do not view themselves as older adults. Many older adults will view their peers as being older, but not themselves. Theories of cognitive aging found deficits in older adults fluid intelligence, capacity of inhibition, number of processing resources, and speed of processing. Situational awareness looks at how one understands their environment. The older adults comprehension and perception are critical to everyday functioning. Training in situational awareness can help reduce cognitive decline. Choosing our words wisely when discussing care is imperative. The PIL (Purpose in Life Test) can help us better understand each individuals values and the level of importance of each of these qualities. After an analysis of this test, we can better frame a discussion regarding care. We create a discussion that highlights strengths and weaknesses. The discussion should be held in a positive light. Most of us don’t take a liking to hearing about our shortcomings or limitations. Our aging population is also dealing with decades of negative stigma surrounding aging. As a company led by a Gerontologist we not only look to change the dialogue we have with older adults about aging, but reframing aging as a society.

The consequences of not receiving the recommended care is dangerous. Throughout my 17 years of watching families and patients choose different avenues in a variety of settings, I have seen some very adverse outcomes, outcomes that could have been prevented. As you try to reason with the older adult why they need care, they will often tell you the inevitable “ We are all going to die.” Yes, we will all eventually die, but that is not a substitute for common sense at any age. We respect our older adult's views and beliefs while ensuring they are not neglected. Older adults who do not receive the recommended care often, break bones, become paralyzed, disease processes advance, there may be permanent organ damage, hospitalized more frequently, acquire communicable diseases, aspirate, and even die. Through the attempt to not receive as much care, they often end up needing more care than they initially needed. The older adult may even end up in a nursing home, which most are trying to avoid. Their quality of life diminishes quickly. As experts who have watched people navigate this path, there are real-life stories of what happens when proper care is not acquired. We have the experience to assist through the most challenging conversations, emotions, and daily push back from a loved one. Through compassion, friendship, and diligence, we can ensure the older adults remaining years are spent with the highest quality of life possible.